All In
by fanficgirl13
Summary: Do you hold on or let go.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

He stares at the lifeless body of a woman who not long ago carried a healthy baby girl within her. Her husband weeps at her bedside for the loss of a wife and mother. It is one of the many heartbreaking tragedies that occurred at Grey Sloan during the years he has been here. You try to save a life every waking moment but when their body can no longer hold for them the best you can do is let the family know and give them time to a goodbye.

The closest he ever came to losing someone was when his friends were shot and killed not long ago. It hurt and he couldn't fathom the difficult transition. He didn't think he could if April hadn't been there. She was always the tough one. He knew she hurt but she kept both of them going. She was his lifeline during the aftermath of the shooting. She held is hand for support while at the funeral. Even Lexie didn't know how he was feeling. Yeah they were dating at the time while she temporarily broke things off with Mark. But he did not let her in and he did not feel comfortable sharing those with her.

April was the only one who kept him sane even after that. Now as he looked back, she was the first person he called when he needed to talk or vent. She was the first person he shared all of his not so happy memories. She was the first girl, woman really, for just seeing him as him and not the Avery name. She called on him when she needed to. He found a friend in her and a confidant. She was always there since the moment he met the annoying intern. That was then. He no longer finds her annoying. That was what made her an endearing human being once you spend enough time with the red head.

When they had slept together back in San Francisco, he'd thought then that it was a onetime thing. It certainly was a bit awkward between the two of them at first. But he began to see April in a different way. More than a friend. More than just a confidant but someone who knows him for who he is. But she left after the plane crash happened, back to Moline with her family. It wasn't until a few weeks later that he saw her at the attending's lounge talking to Bailey, Karev, and Grey. He was glad that Dr. Hunt brought her back to Seattle. He didn't know if he had enough guts in him at the time to do so.

As they spent the following weeks together, he was positive that it was not just about the sex anymore for him. His feelings for April grew but he was too afraid to mention it to her. He was not sure if she had felt the same way. When he finally let her know of it days later she closed down on him. Then the pregnancy scare happened. They were not both prepared for it. He knew the chance of it happening was there. But she seemed relieved that she wasn't indeed carrying their child as if it was such a bad thing if she did.

Then Stephanie and Matt stepped in to their respective lives. They each went their own daily lives but still all working together at the hospital. Meredith Grey had asked him a few weeks ago if Stephanie was his person like Derek was hers. He could only look at her in silence. She knew who was and still is his person. She had told him to let Stephanie go and that it was not fair to the both of them that he was clearly still in love with April.

He consoled the husband one more time before leaving the room. He needed to think and in peace. He had to let April know. He was not one to give up easily. Especially on her. He could not live on regret if he didn't at least tell her that he loves her unconditionally.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

April walked in to the locker room to change before heading back to her apartment. It has been a long shift to say the least. She was ready to sleep for a week if she could. As she opened her locker to change out of her scrubs, she found a note on the bottom next to her flats. Whoever left it must have slipped it through the top of the locker. April froze when she flipped over the note. She'd know that handwriting anywhere. It was from Jackson. Deciding on reading the note later and the privacy in her apartment, April proceeded to change and darted out the door.

After washing the dishes, April settled on her couch and opened the note from Jackson.

_Putting this in writing made more sense to me than talking to you in person. I wanted to but when I tried that before you shut me down and didn't give me a chance. _

_We have hurt each other along the way April. Took a lot of things for granted but never our friendship. You were always there and I missed that. I missed just seeing you outside work like how it used to be. I know we can't go back to how it was before. Where did we get everything messed up? I never regretted what happened in San Francisco. That made me looked at you differently. Like something just snapped in my head that you were more than a friend. When you left after the plane crash, I wasn't myself. Mark told me before he died that I should tell you before it's too late. Hopefully it's not too late yet April._

_I love you April. I think I have been in love with you since before San Francisco. I don't know when it started. Even my mom was surprised that I have had you as a friend longer than the girlfriend I used to date. Heck even Karev noticed that I worry about you too much but not towards the others._

_I would rather live with the pain knowing that I told you I love you rather than keeping it to myself while I try to move on. We both know the pregnancy scare was a breaking point for us. Know that I would have supported you either way not because I had to but I wanted to and I still do._

_We have come in leaps and bounds over the years. Whether we continue on together or separately, we will always have the beautiful memories of a friendship we have created._

_-Jackson—_

April curled herself and cried. He was right. They both hurt each other along the way. They were like Meredith and Derek once before. Meredith had told her that she and Derek wasted so much time apart and that they both exhausted themselves. Meredith advised her to not make the same mistakes with Jackson. She had tried to deny it but Meredith knew better. All the look of longing across the room or at the mention of his name there's a small sparkle in her eyes.

She really couldn't believe what was happening with her life. Before she would have trouble to even have one guy look at her and now there's two. She would have to decide and soon. Stringing Matt along is not fair to him and herself, to all three of them really.

Her thoughts were interrupted at the shrill of her phone on her coffee table.

"Hello?"

"Hey April, it's Matt. Listen, we need to talk. Are you free tomorrow?"

"Yea….yeah I am. In the morning. Meredith asked for my help with the nursery and I'll be meeting her after lunch. I mean I can cancel that. I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"No, that's fine. I'll meet you say 9 at the café? If that's a good time for you." Matt sounded torn.

"That sounds good. Matt…I'll see you then." She felt like an idiot. By the sound of his voice, Matt was upset about something and she wouldn't know until tomorrow morning. Meeting Matt for dates these days is like calling your doctor for appointments. She will have to sleep soon and hopefully feel rested enough to start her day tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

8:30 am. It's only 8:30 in the morning but she felt like a nervous wreck. After getting that phone call from Matt yesterday, April couldn't sleep. She tried but to no avail. Finally fed up after tossing and turning she had gotten up and arranged her entire closet, cleaned her living room, and finished her laundry.

Her mother had called earlier to see how she was doing and if she was planning on taking the boards again. While she loves her family sometimes they drive her crazy and makes her want to stay out of Ohio altogether, afraid she'd run into one of them. Deciding to just head out early and take a walk to clear her head, April grabbed her purse and phone and went out the door. The morning seemed beautiful and perfect although her day and life was far from perfect.

After what felt like hours, she spotted Matt stepping in to the café looking sharp in a suit. Wait, a suit? Why was he in a suit? She hurriedly went in to the café and scoured for him. He looked so out of place amongst all the people around him.

"Good morning Matt," April asked while taking the seat opposite him. "Why are you in a suit? I mean you look great but are you going somewhere?"

"Good morning to you too. Well…..I had an interview today. Grey Sloan is a great hospital don't get me wrong but I am still trying to find my footing in exactly what I'll be doing later on. I know I won't be a paramedic for life. There will be a career change further along so I figured I can start finding that now.

"Oh. Do you at least have an idea to what you want to do? I mean after you stop being a paramedic?" April didn't know where this was going at all.

"As of right now, not really. I mean it'll be within the healthcare area since I already have experience being a paramedic and I think it will be an easier transition. But like I said, I haven't found my niche yet."

"So, uh, where was your interview? Are you still staying in Seattle?"

"My interview was at the conference center earlier. It was short and easy. I had applied for a job at the Texas Medical Center a few weeks ago but I never heard anything from them until last week. Before I got the phone call, I figured that it'll be a pass and that I would just scratch it off my list. When I did get the call, they told me that I would have to go in for an interview but since I live here they will just have to do a virtual interview at the conference center. That is why I am in a suit this morning."

"What….when did you apply? How come you didn't mention anything before?"

"Because the chances of me getting that phone call was slim to none. And if I didn't get it then at least only I knew about it."

"Matt! When did you apply?"

Matt looked at his joined hands and softly replied, "about four weeks ago I submitted my application."

April sighed and looked at her boyfriend before opening giving him her reply. "What was wrong with telling me? If you didn't get the call then you didn't get the call. But you try again. You apply at another hospital or medical center in the US. You can't hide this from me Matt. This would have been a life changer for the both of us. If you got the job, I would have to know eventually."

"What about you April? What is it that you are hiding from me? It seems like there's a whole package in you that I do not know about but only a few people do. Sharing does not go one way April, it's both."

"Can we go somewhere where there's not a whole lot of people around us?"

With a strained voice Matt answered, "yeah the park across the street there's a bench near the pond."

Matt paid for their coffee and walked out the door crossing the pedestrian and onto the park with April to this right.

April took a moment to gather her thoughts before speaking as they sat down on the bench. "I do am hiding something from you. " Matt had a look of pain in his eyes as she started.

"Am I right to guess that it has something to do with Jackson? I am, am I? "

"I am sorry for keeping this from you and leading you to believe all along. But yes it has something to do with Jackson. We slept together last year." She couldn't bear to even look him straight in the eye after voicing it out. She knew he was deeply hurt for keeping such a big thing from him. "It was right before boards…right before I failed. Everything around us was falling apart and we only had each other."

Matt didn't even look the least bit livid. But April knew that he was in agony. She had lied to him and big.

"Do you still love him?"

"I never stopped but I learned to love you. It wasn't that I didn't but under different circumstances it would only have been you."

"I know April. I know." Staring into the distance, Matt grabbed April's right hand and held it in his. He understood that he had to let her go. He couldn't be angry at her because she still loves Jackson. She just couldn't have a change of heart. One look at the two of them together at work gave him a glimpse of who and where she truly belongs.

"Matt….."

"I love you enough to let you go. April, we both know that if we stay together it wouldn't be fair. I want to see you happy and if that means that we have to part ways then we must. Staying together but being miserable won't be good for us. He is a good man April."

"Thank you. I know I hurt you and it was my mistake for hiding it. I do hope and wish that you will find your own happiness. A very lucky lady out there will be blessed to have you in her life. You were a blessing in mine. And if you find it in your heart to forgive me someday, I would like us to be friends with no animosity."

"I will. I'll hopefully see you around. Like you said, never give up."

April grasped Matt's face between her hands and gently stroked her thumb over his tear strained face. "Good luck out there. You are an amazing man, Matt. I wish you all the best. Goodbye." April gave him a peck on the cheek, turned around and began walking away. A short chapter in her life has closed as she continues to march forward and pick up the fallen pieces of a broken heart.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

It was hours later since she bid goodbye to Matt for good. She had initially thought of cancelling on Meredith and cry herself to exhaustion in her apartment but thought better of it. She wasn't that kind of person. She offered her help to someone who needed assistance and became one of her dear friend at Grey Sloan.

Meredith Grey-Shepherd opened her front door to April looking like all her energy had been sucked out of her. She didn't think the girl had an ounce left in her to function for the rest of the day.

"Hi Mer. I'm here as planned. So where are we starting?"

"Oh screw the nursery for today April. You look like you need a drink and a talk. No worries, I won't be sending you home inebriated. So, spill!" She really does feel bad for the girl in front of her. She can pity April in a way that the others probably couldn't. What was it really with all the love triangles in Grey Sloan? Or as her lovely husband put it, _maybe it's a quadrangle honey!_

"I met with Matt this morning and we broke it off for good. He's moving out of Seattle and possibly to Texas. Houston specifically."

"I know you are hurt," Meredith carefully treaded on water as she spoke. "I have been down that road April and it was not easy. How do you really feel right now? Just let it out, you'll feel a better." She knew that the red head can talk anyone's ears off when it comes to any medical topic. She is smart but when it comes to emotions, it seems that April is not too keen to talk about it freely.

"I..I..I really don't know. Everything's jumbled up and I don't know where to start. I got a note from Jackson yesterday telling me that he loves me and that he has been in love with me for a while. He slipped it in my locker and then this morning I saw Matt and ended that chapter of my life." April hastily replied as she fidgets with the hem of her shirt.

"But did you love Matt like you love Jackson? Did you try to picture your life maybe five years from now with each of them and whom of the two could you really see yourself with?"

"I did love Matt but perhaps it was not the same magnitude to what I really felt and still do for Jackson. Both are great in their own way but Matt never pushed me like Jackson. I could sense the hesitation coming from him and I guess part of it was my fault. Even while I was with Matt, I had thought more of Jackson than my own boyfriend. I tried pushing his name to the back of my head but seeing him every day only made it worse. We never talked about the San Francisco fiasco and, I think as we continued on we didn't know what we wanted from each other." She looked at Meredith helplessly. Like a child would look at her mother to scoop her up and help her to her feet.

"I can't tell you exactly what you have to do April but you and Jackson need to sit down together and talk. It is the only way for you both to solve your problems. Do not back out of it. You have to let each other know where you stand and go from there." She hoped that the talk really would happen. She would lock them in a room if she has to considering both parties are too stubborn for their own good.

"I know. It's been long overdue."

"Why don't you go home and think things over. Clear your head. Let me know if you need to talk some more."

"Thank you. Really….I appreciate it. It has been a rollercoaster and I feel like I am only halfway through the ride. And, I am sorry we couldn't work on your nursery today. My offer still stands whenever you need my help."

"Oh I will let you know when I need you back here for the nursery!" As she looked at April, she was reminded of Lexie and that there was no longer a younger sister that she has to look out for. April slid into the role without much thought and she couldn't be happier to have someone to dote on besides Derek, Zola, and her baby boy.

"I think they will be fine sweetie. They might be both hard headed sometimes but my money's on Jackson. I know he won't give her up easily!" Meredith smiled as she felt the kick of her unborn child.

Back in the confines of her apartment, April mulled over her afternoon with Meredith and what was advised of her. She knew she had to call Jackson so they could talk and fix whatever was wrong between them.

Picking up her phone, April dialed the all too familiar number and waited.

"April? Hi,umm, how can I help?" Jackson sounded all too surprise to be getting a call from her today.

"Yeah it 's me. Listen I got the note that you slipped in my locker. We have to talk about everything Jackson and fix whatever is wrong with us or where we messed up. Please give me tomorrow to clear my head and I'll let you know. That is all I ask."

"I can do that April. I can wait."

"Ok. I'll talk to you soon and of course I'll see you in the hospital tomorrow."

Well there's the first step to getting this right. She wants to fix this.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Jackson hadn't been expecting that call. He knew she'd get the note when her shift ended. But now it would be his turn to wait and give her some space that she needed to clear her head. H e didn't have a slightest clue to what happen with her today but she sounded emotionally drained over the phone.

He would have to sleep it off and not think about it especially with tomorrow's very important board meeting that must happen. Why did his mother have to make him in charge of the freaking hospital? Couldn't she have pick Bailey or Richard? Probably that's what happens when you don't follow in your family's footsteps to Mass Gen.

He saw them as friends but as board members, meetings like this simply wasn't an easy one. It was still weird for him to direct them even though they had more experience than him and April combine. There's her name again. He was glad that Meredith and Derek stirred the meeting and made it short. Having Cristina, Bailey and Callie in the same room for almost an hour was too much for him today. Relieved that it was over, it was time to switch to doctor.

"Jackson!"

To say that he was surprise to see his mother in the hospital would be true but Catherine Avery could very well "pop in" as she calls it to any one of the hospitals that she has connections to without any fuss.

"Mom! Wha…when did you get here and why didn't you call me?"

Catherine Avery smirked at the look her soon is giving her. He was adamant not to meddle with his life so she didn't call that she was coming and simple surprised him. Which always seems to work! He was the only one in the Avery family who is taking his own path and stepped away from the expected route all of them have taken. She really was proud of him for standing up for himself. His grandfather was not so happy with his decision of passing up Mass Gen but she knew that he didn't belong there. Yes, he would flourish beautifully at Mass Gen without question but she felt that Grey Sloan has become his home.

"I was called to assist with a very complicated surgery today and since I was in Los Angeles a few hours ago for a conference I decided to come. And I didn't call you because you had asked me repeatedly to stop meddling with your life."

"Well what time will that surgery be?"

"It won't be until tomorrow morning but don't worry I will leave as soon as I can. Now, go have lunch with me. I'm sure you can step away for an hour."

"Mom, I really don't think I should go anywhere for that long today. What if they need me here while I'm gone?" Jackson insisted but knew he was helpless. With a full staff, he was aware that the hospital could function without him for an hour. "Yeah you're right I can step away for an hour. But only for an hour mother and that's it. Just let me go and let Shepherd and Hunt know where I'm at."

"Alright, run along since I apparently have an hour with you."

After placing their orders, Catherine took a good look at her son. "Jackson, what's been bothering you? I am not meddling as you put it but I am only concern."

Sighing, he placed his drink back on the table and glanced at this mother. "I know you are and thank you for being one because today will probably be the first that I am telling you what has been bothering me. The only other person who I could talk to is no longer here. So, ummm…..it's April. That's who has been in my head every day."

Surprised. She, Catherine Avery, was surprised of that revelation. The both of them were close since she met April years ago. When she had asked Jackson then, he told her that they were friends. Of that she believed but what happened between then and now she didn't know. She had always wondered about April and took interest in her. The girl was smart and sometimes neurotic but she was the polar opposite compared to the women her son usually hangs out with.

"Since when Jackson?"

"I don't know mom. I used to find her annoying the first time I met her. But when the shooting happened and had two of our friends killed, she was there with me and has been. I didn't think much of it while I was dating other people. I didn't have to find an excuse to see her because we work together in the same hospital and lived in Meredith's house. She didn't hesitate to call me out when she needed to. She told me that she wasn't afraid to do that because Avery's my last name. A last name is a last name she said. I shouldn't let it shape my life but I would have to carve out my own."

"Smart girl!" Her son adored the red head that much she could tell. How she never saw that sparkle before is a good question. If she remembered correctly, April's name would pop up at least once every chat she had with her son. Now that she thought about it, she has never met any of Jackson's girlfriends since college but he introduced her to April!

"She was just always there like a withering force ready to attack when needed. And as a friend you worry for each other but Karev picked up that I worry about her much more than I do towards the others."

"Does she know how you feel?"

"I tried telling her weeks after San Francisco. We were sort of together, per se. We just didn't clearly know at the time what we had wanted. We dove in and that was that." He noticed his mom look confused at the mention of San Francisco. Oh he would have to tell her whether he wanted to or not. She would find out eventually and it was for the better that she hears it from him. She just won't need to know about the pregnancy scare. "She and I slept together right before boards. And no I didn't take that first step. April surprised me when she did but yeah."

"So when I told her a few weeks ago that she needed to get L-A-I-D because she was always tense and looking so tired..."

Jackson nodded in confirmation.

She clasped her son's hands across the table. "I am glad that you finally found someone that mattered. That you cared enough. Both of you will need to face the music together to solve whatever tension that's keeping you apart. She's a precious jewel for you to let go Jackson. So hang on and hang tight."

"I will Mom. I definitely will."


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

It's been three days since she made that phone call to Jackson. For her the awkwardness that was there before seemed to have dissipated. Her head was much clearer now and she definitely knows what she wants. She feels like she is almost back on track in her life after that messy derailment. It will now depend on her and Jackson together before she can move forward.

She was aware that his mother had been at Grey Sloan a few days ago to assist with a complex surgery. The woman had always managed to hunt her down whenever she was in town. The intimidation was there, she sensed it from the first meeting, but she became comfortable around the woman after her many visits to the hospital.

Entering the attending's lounge, April was thrilled to be heading home. Her shift was over and she wouldn't have to be back until Monday. The concept of a long weekend was welcomed.

She turned around when door opened and came face to face with one Jackson Avery. He looked tired.

"Hey Jackson, you feeling okay?" April asked him with concern fixed in her eyes.

"Yeah, just beat. Just glad that I'll be outta here with the weekend off because I don't think I can come back tomorrow at all." He was glad that he caught her before she left for the day. He hadn't had any chance to see her throughout the day.

"Why don't you come with me and I'll cook dinner then we can talk, that is if you don't have any plans?" She was hoping he didn't.

"I don't have any plans. Was just gonna sleep since I seemed to be lacking that recently. I feel like a walking zombie every time I am here. "

"Sounds good. We can go if you are." She waited until Jackson got the last of his things from his locker before heading out the lounge together. She spotted Meredith who gave her an encouraging smile. She definitely needed that.

Trailing behind April, they entered her apartment and he realized that this would be the first time he has been here. She had moved and got an apartment of her own a few months ago which he didn't know until two weeks after she moved in. It suited her and the place was as tidy as it could be. Knowing April, he would bet that there was not any day something would be out of place.

"Jackson there's a guest room and bathroom down the hall if you need to use it," April interrupted his thoughts and saw that she's directing him towards a hallway from the living room. He nodded and watched her go in the opposite direction, possibly towards her room to change.

Freshly showered and in clean clothes, Jackson ventured back to the living room and sat down waiting for April to reappear. Deep in thought, he didn't hear April coming back to the kitchen. His eyes were focused on a photo set on the lamp table near the bigger couch. There were four faces in the photo, two of which they both have lost. It was so simple then, no complications between them.

As April walked out of her room, she had momentarily forgotten that Jackson was in her apartment. She stayed where she was and stared at the man sitting on her couch looking deep in thought. They had come so far since their first meeting at Mercy West. She was enamored by him and thought she would never come close as being a friend to the man. Boy was she wrong then!

"Jackson"

He was pulled out of his trance when he heard her soft voice echoing through her apartment.

"Hey…..sorry I spaced out."

"No that's ok. So what do you want to eat? Actually, scratch that. Boys eat any food placed in front of them. I always wonder where you all put it."

"Hey! That's sexist woman! True that I am not picky with food but I do not eat like a pig!" He loved the lighter mood between them.

"Well I don't know what's in my refrigerator so we'll make something with whatever's in there." She look pointedly at him.

"We? Uhh….April you do realize I am most definitely not much of a cook at all. How about you cook and I'll clean the dishes and all?" He looked at her sheepishly like a kid.

"Well Jackson you do realize that you will never learn how to cook unless you try?"

The woman could be scary sometimes. It was like she was shooting daggers at him but heck why not learn how to cook if she says so. Who knows, it might be fun!

"OK. So what are we cooking then?"

"We'll see."

He watched her go through what he thought was the vegetable bin. He went closer when she called his name and started handing him all sorts of vegetables that she wanted to use.

Not long after, she had him slicing onions and tomatoes and mincing cloves of garlic. They managed to not bump into each other while they were trying to put together a dish that would eventually be their dinner. He still doesn't know what their cooking, he guessed he'll know soon. Only obvious thing to him was that it was an Italian dish with the pasta sitting on the counter ready to be cooked. He found it fun to be a breath of fresh air. They have never done this together and he would want to do this again.

He stood and watched as she started putting ingredients one after the other while also explaining to him what she was doing. When she was almost done, he automatically turned his attention to the dirty dishes and began clearing them away.

By the time April finished cooking, she found Jackson humming a tune she didn't know and tapping his left foot while scrubbing away on the cutting board. It was a sight to see! The only times she had seen him in a kitchen was when he'd eat his meals by the counter top. And here he was looking like he was having fun. Leaving him to finish, she began pulling out plates and utensils and placing them on her small dining table.

Dinner was a lighthearted affair. He was happy to see that they still get on easily despite what happened between them. After loading the last of the dishes in the dishwasher, both headed to the living room with April settling on the recliner and Jackson on the couch.

"Thanks for dinner by the way. That was delicious."

"You're welcome. And you helped too. It wasn't all me." April answered as her hands played with the small pillow on her lap.

Jackson smiled at her and replied, "That I did and didn't cut myself!"

"Nope, you didn't." After a momentary pause April continued. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not giving you a chance to talk and listened to what you had to say."

"April what happened to us? "

"We dove right in without knowing what we both wanted from each other. I had always been attracted to you since the very beginning but I opted to be your friend knowing that you'd never look at me that way. It became easier to bury my feelings along the way. Reed was the only person who knew of them. We of course eventually became best of friends after the shooting. I was glad that you didn't ditch me and left me to myself. I didn't want to ruin the friendship that we already had so I remained silent. I watched you stealing glances at Lexie when you thought no one was looking, being together with her, or bringing your girlfriend to Meredith's house. It was painful at times."

"I'm sorry for making you feel that way." He solemnly replied. Granted that he never considered her that way before, but he couldn't deny that she certainly didn't lack beauty and brains. She just didn't have the self confidence then to what she has now.

"You don't have to apologize for that Jackson. You didn't know and it wasn't your fault for not knowing that."

He glanced at the photo he found earlier at the lamp table before continuing on. "When they were killed I was in a state of shock. I mean we were only just beginning our careers. Charles was telling me so much about what he wanted to do and Reed rattled on like she never planned on sleeping. I mean yeah we were a group but I was more comfortable hanging out with you. You didn't take crap from me since the beginning. There were a couple of times Mark would catch me looking for you. He would ask me why I was always scouring for you everywhere I go. I reasoned, which I doubt he believed, that I wanted to make sure you were fine and you didn't need help anywhere. He actually laughed at that and told me that you were a walking encyclopedia and that you didn't need a babysitter. I didn't realize then that I was worrying about you more than the others. Even my mother picked up on it."

"Your mom?"

"Yes my mother. She was quite surprise to find that we have been friends quite longer than when I was with Natalie. I had dated her for 8 months and that was the longest. I was always comfortable in your presence because I didn't have to be anyone but myself. And out of all people to notice, even Lexie had told me that I laughed more when you were around."

She didn't know what to say. She sat frozen in place staring at nothing.

"April? Did I say something wrong? Please say something….anything." Jackson pleaded.

"I couldn't tell you why I kissed you outside the hotel room in San Francisco. I don't even know why I did it. I wasn't drunk and, I knew what was going on. I can tell you that I didn't regret it. Livid, disappointed, and upset I was from failing the boards. But out of frustration I put part of the blame to you for what happened the night before. Then the plane crash happened, I got scared and went back to Moline. I should have stayed with you. You needed me there and I couldn't do that. I'm sorry. "

Jackson moved closer to April and grasped her small hand in his. He was glad when she didn't pull away. "Me too." As he gazed at her face, she was trying hard not to cry in front of him. Her eyes were darting from left to right but without much success a single tear rolled down her cheek. "We both messed it up. Especially when you thought you might have been pregnant. Yes we were both scared and adding a baby to the equation wouldn't have helped the situation we were in. "

Taking a deep breath, April looked at him with her reddened eyes. "I know. We weren't so clear about that and I wasn't sure if you even wanted the possibility of a baby. So when we confirmed, I felt relieved but you took that the wrong way. We aren't very good at this you know!"

He smiled at her jibe. "No one is April. That's how we learn and build a stronger relationship."

She nodded with his last statement. "When you told me you were with Stephanie, I was crushed. I figured you moved on somehow and that fast so I tried and found Matt. It hasn't always been smooth with him either. I couldn't be honest with him about our past. But he suspected and when I confirmed his suspicion a few days ago, we parted amicably. He knew I could never be happy with him. He couldn't fathom it if we were to remain together and miserable so he let go. He's off to Texas with a new job."

April hadn't known that he and Stephanie had broken it off almost two months after they had gotten together. He never mentioned it to anyone and same goes for Stephanie. "I broke it off with Stephanie weeks after we had gotten together. She heard from the other interns about us and told me that I shouldn't be stringing her along if I was still in love with my best friend. She was upset but that I shouldn't worry. We are actually friends now to be honest and I can tell you she is dating someone from radiology last I heard."

"I don't know about you Jackson but I feel like we are following a pattern at the formerly known Seattle Grace. I mean looked at it this way. There's the Callie-Arizona-Mark thing plus the Derek-Meredith-and Derek's ex-wife. And who knows who else hooked up with who."

"Don't forget Cristina and Owen and Teddy. Yeah you're right. We aren't the only ones. It certainly is one convoluted pattern that no one seems to break."

They both looked at each other and laughed. April felt like a dead weight has been lifted off her shoulder now that she and Jackson finally had their talk. There was still a long ways to go for them but they've managed to overcome one big hurdle together.

It was almost 10 pm and April didn't want to move from her spot. She was comfortable and content. Jackson was sitting quietly on the couch fiddling with his watch and occasionally stealing a glance at her. With renewed courage, she moved from her spot to sit next to Jackson and laid her head on his shoulder.

Jackson watched April stood up from her spot but was surprised when she plopped down next to him and put her head on his shoulder. That was certainly unexpected but not unwelcome. He slowly put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her close.

"So where do we go from here?"

Her voice was so soft like she was almost whispering that he was glad he even heard what she said.

"We do this together. You and me. Wherever it'll take us we'll go there. We might not always agree every time but we'll work on it."

"One step at a time." She smiled and tilted her head up to look at him.

When he felt her head moved, Jackson looked down and saw her staring right back at him. He tenderly kissed her forehead before pulling back. "One step at a time."

When he heard her yawn a few minutes later, he knew it was time to go. "Come on. Up you go and go sleep. It's late and I should be heading out too."

"Jackson I am not going to let you walk out that door looking like you are about to fall over from exhaustion. I knew you had a rough week with all those surgeries and meetings so take the guest room."

"Are you sure?" He was hesitant to stay since they've only mended their relationship and he figured she needed to be alone to process all of it.

"I wouldn't be if I didn't ask you."

"Alright. Goodnight Apes!"

"Goodnight Jackson." April turned off the lights in the kitchen and living room with only the night lights plugged at each end of the hallway before heading to her bedroom.

"April….."

Turning around, she spotted Jackson just outside the guestroom with his face illuminated by the night light she had placed there when she moved in.

"I love you."

With a small smile April quietly answered, "I love you too," before heading inside her room a smile plastered on her face.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

For the two people that are in the apartment, it was a beginning of a new day. They would embark on a journey together where challenges lay ahead for them. No relationship is ever a smooth ride but like a rollercoaster with many loops, turns, and twists. That goes forward or back. You just have to hang on together until the end.

Jackson woke up to an unfamiliar environment. Although feeling very well rested than he has been for a long time, he certainly wasn't in his room with all the décor hanging on the wall. Then he remembered. He and April had talked last night to clear things up between them. He was beyond ecstatic that they are finally here. Together. A grin slowly crept on his face and, feeling like a kid on Christmas, he got up to get ready and start the day.

She was awoken by the aroma of the coffee wafting through her apartment. Glancing at her bedside clock, she found that it was already 7:30 and that she needed to get up before Jackson burns her apartment down. The man just didn't have kitchen prowess.

It was still surreal that he was currently standing inside April's apartment and making himself at home. He didn't know what she had plan for her weekend. He wasn't even sure if she was awake yet so he treaded lightly around her apartment and checked his phone for any missed phone calls. He heard the door to her bedroom opened. Pulling an empty cup, he poured coffee and added a single packet of creamer just how she likes it.

"Good morning. You're up early?"

Good morning to you too. Yeah I woke up around seven and just came to your kitchen and made coffee. And speaking of coffee, here is yours." He pushed the cup towards her and watched her take her first sip.

"You still remembered." To her, it felt like it's been too long since they got coffee together. She was astounded that he still knows how she wants her coffee. It's a small detail that for some they even tend to forget after a short period of time. Heck even Matt didn't know that. "Thank you Jackson."

He was glad that it was still the way she takes her coffee. "Of course I do and you are welcome." What they have now is different. There is a sense of calmness that was absent from before. It probably helped that they are both aware with where they stand. "April, I am hungry. Can we make pancakes please?"

"Oh you mean I make pancakes?" She snickered when she saw him give her a pout. He could be a kid sometimes. "Come on mister, pancakes it is!"

In the end, they had made a variety of two. Of course April would have blueberries in hers and he'd taken chocolate chip. April's cell phone rang as they were finishing the last of the dishes they had used. It was Meredith.

"Good morning Meredith. What's up?"

"Sorry to bother you but if you are free I could use your help with decorating. Derek's not very good at it and he's already putting the crib and baby changing station together today. "

April could hear the stress in her voice. "Mer, I will be there. I'd love to help decorate."

"Are you sure you can come today? Otherwise, you can come on a different day." She felt bad for disturbing  
April. She knew that Jackson was probably somewhere close by since she saw both of them leaving together yesterday. She really hoped those two figured it out between them. They were so like her and Derek!

"Meredith Grey-Shepherd I will be there within one hour like I said. I already felt guilty for what happened a few days ago so don't worry about it."

"Hey Grey, I wouldn't go against her if I were you. She can be scary at times!" Jackson piped from behind April only to find her glaring at him.

"Bye Mer! See you in a few!" April hanged up, looked at Jackson before speaking. "You are coming with me."

"Cool!" Jackson changed into his running shoes and waited for April to reappear in the living room.

Half an hour later, April and Jackson arrived at the Grey-Shepherd's humble abode. If you can call it that. It certainly didn't look anything like the usual humble abode he has seen before. He gently grabbed her hand as they waited for either Derek or Meredith to open their front door. He was finding little things that they had missed before. Just a simple touch or holding each other's hand. A peck on her cheek or her hand grazing his arm.

Derek looked through the peephole all the while knowing very well who was on the other side of it. With a cheeky grin, he turned to his wife who was holding Zola and gave her thumbs up. Putting them out of their misery, Derek opened the door and invited the duo inside.

"Hey Zo-Zo! You're gonna be a big sister!" April loved the little girl. She was a delight to all of them.

Meredith smiled at her daughter while tapping her nose. "Yes she is!"

"OK!" April clapped her hands together and looked at the other adults. "We have a nursery to decorate so Jackson you will help put the crib and baby changing station together."

Jackson looked at Derek and both men shrugged. It was hard to go against a very hormonal pregnant lady and a determined April.

As the men walked off, April took Meredith's hand with Zola on her side. "Time to decorate."

Meredith began explaining to the younger woman the layout of the nursery. After modifying the original layout with April's suggestions, both women got to work. With more than half of it done, Meredith excused herself to tend to Zola leaving April in the nursery.

That was where Jackson found her. In the middle of the room there she sat on the floor sorting through all the baby clothes Meredith had bought. He didn't think she was aware of his presence and seemed to be in her own world. So, he remained silent and watched her go through the pile in front of her. She took a momentary pause as she came across one particular piece of clothing and, he watched with interest as she brushed her right hand over it. Deciding to make his presence known, he slowly walked over to her and crouched down.

Upon hearing footsteps, she looked up to find Jackson but Derek nowhere in sight. "You guys done?"

"Yeah, Derek's just tightening up one screw and it's good to go." He finally took a good look at what she was staring at for so long earlier. _Daddy's Boy._ He knew that they still have a lot to go but he was open to the possibility of a child with April. What happened before threw them off and he wouldn't want that to happen again if he can help it.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

After their weekend, both Jackson and April fell back into rhythm at the hospital. They didn't make a big fuss over the changes in their relationship and went about their day like they always have been. Of course they'd see each other throughout the halls in between patients or converse when they needed to. Those who had very keen eyes noticed the changes in Jackson.

Owen Hunt, who was not as big on gossip as his ex-wife/current girlfriend, even picked up on the lighter mood that one Jackson Avery was carrying. Whatever it was he was glad. The younger man had been looking so stressed the last few weeks and it was evident that it was getting to him.

Spotting Grey and Shepherd, he headed to their direction as he saw Cristina leaving a patient's room. It was a slow day and he could use a few more hours of sleep.

"Hey you two, don't you have patients to tend to?"

"Mine's in radiology," piped Meredith before looking to her husband.

"CT scan"

"Are we having an impromptu meeting that I didn't know about?"

"Jesus Cristina! Why do you like to sneak on people?"

"Sorry. Actually I'm not. And you three were gossiping that's why you didn't hear me walk behind you pregnant lady. So, who're we talking about?"

Owen rolled his eyes as he looked at Grey and Yang. They might be the best of friends but there were times he'd think they would kill each other. "We are not gossiping. I was asking these two why they were standing here and not tending to their patients."

"Kepner and Avery" Callie spoke as she rounded the corner. "Wait, what are we talking about and why are we huddling here?"

"What about Kepner and Avery?" Cristina waved her hand in front of Owen who decided to let it go and kept quiet with Derek.

"Well I had to ask Kepner if she could watch Sofia this weekend because Arizona and I are going to Tacoma and won't be back until Sunday afternoon. Jackson saw us and asked me what was going on so I told him. He looked at April and said that he'd help her with it as he tapped her nose then walked off. Before I could ask Kepner, a nurse came to get her." She looked to the other people around her and observed that only two of them acted cool about the odd situation.

"So you think they're together together?" Cristina voiced the burning question in her head. She directed her attention to Meredith if she had thought the same but stopped. "Do you two know something that we don't?"

"Oh just tell us already!" Callie was fed up that they were going in circles with this and everyone would know about it eventually. If April and Jackson really were back together, she was glad. The idea was not welcomed at first but out of everyone Avery became close with the red head. He was always relaxed and himself.

"Yeah they are back together, just very recently." Derek confirmed and hoped they'd leave it at that.

"So, my mom called me today and asked about you?" He still finds it odd and surprising that April has been the first and only female his mom has taken such an interest on. Always asking about her and making sure that she was okay.

April stopped midway through dinner preparation. "She's not coming back for another visit is she? She was just here not too long ago." As much as she adored the woman, Catherine Avery had 'spidey' senses according to Jackson. Well, she guessed it wasn't working very well when Catherine told her to relax and get laid when she was already sleeping with her son!

"No, she claimed that since I barred her from meddling with my life, she'd do it to yours. Sorry"

With no sound coming from where he was standing, April became concerned. She hoped nothing horrible happened today to one of his patients. It was to be expected that you can't save everyone but you have to prepare yourself emotionally, although it never works every time. "Hey…sweetie what's wrong?" She coached him for any reaction and gently placed the palm of her right hand against his cheek.

"That's the first time you called me sweetie."

"It fits you and because I can." Her smile disappeared and was replaced with a frown. "You didn't tell your mom about us did you?"

"Why are you afraid if my mom knows about us or anyone knowing about us being together? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me? It's not like I'll stand in front of everyone and yell 'April and I are dating.'"

She knew that it bothered him too much when she doesn't want people knowing about them. "I am most definitely not embarrassed to be seen with you. Your mom does scare me sometimes but I am not feeling any apprehension in regards to people knowing our relationship. This is ours."

"I know this is ours but we don't have to pretend that we're not together when people are around. I am not going to kiss you senseless in a room full of people; I don't think I'd be able to stop. But, what I'm saying is don't move away from me when there are others. So what if we're standing too close or if I am holding your hand. I am allowed to do that because you're my girlfriend and I love you. I get jealous when I see Derek standing next to his wife by the nurse's station and he could just peck her on her cheek or lips or just hug her." He ran his hands over his face and sighed in frustration.

"Hey hey look at me….I am not telling you that you can't do that." Her voice grew softer and softer and felt horrible that she made him this way. Tenderly grabbing his face between her hands, she pecked him on his lips before carefully uttering her next words. "I don't mind, no not at all. I am still new to this Jackson. You're my first of everything. We already messed this up before and going through that again would crush me. I am sorry if I wasn't clear with you on that and made you feel that way."

"I'm sorry too. I didn't know if you were beginning to have doubts and I panicked."

"It's okay. We got that cleared up now. You think we can finish with getting dinner ready?"

"Yeah…..yeah we can." He has rarely gone back to the apartment that he shares with Alex since he and April had gotten back together. He was wanting to get a different apartment for the both of them but he needed to wait for the right time. He would just have to settle with this arrangement until then.


End file.
